The car was there again. The car was always there again. The again was becoming a pattern.
Story
“That’s my space,” Derek said.
“It’s their car.”
“It’s your space.”
Shirly looked at the car. The car was parked too far forward. The forward parking meant the spot was smaller, which meant she could not park, which meant she had to park on the road, which meant she was doing what neighbour cars always did.
“They can’t do this,” he said.
“They can do this.”
“It’s not their space.”
“It says ours.”
“It does say ours.”
“Then they can’t do this.”
“They did do this.”
Derek looked at his car. The car was behind him. The behind was the only place to park now.
Her View
Shirly felt like she was watching a small war. The war was about space. The space was limited. The limited was a fact. The fact was not changed by anger, and anger was what Derek was feeling, and the feeling was not helpful, and the not helpful was obvious.
She also knew she was being passive. The passive was not caring. The caring was for things larger than parking, and parking was small, and the smallness was relative to everything else.
She wanted to be left alone. She wanted him to be left alone.
His View
Derek felt invaded. The invasion was small. The smallness was the problem. The problem was not the space. The problem was that someone was taking something that was his, and the taking was wrong, and the wrong was not being corrected, and the not correcting was an error in the system of fairness.
He also knew he was being petty. The pettiness was obvious. The obvious was visible, and the visible was the car, and the car did not care, and the neighbour did not care, and the only one caring was him.
He wanted it to stop. He did not want to care.
Couples Therapist Breakdown
What Actually Happened
One space was being shared. One partner was angry about sharing.
What’s Really Happening
IFS Parts Map
Shirly’s manager part keeps things calm to avoid conflict, while Derek’s manager tries to enforce fairness. His protector rises as righteous anger when boundaries feel violated; Shirly’s protector withdraws into passivity. Beneath these, his vulnerable part feels disrespected and hers craves peace. Both ultimately need the same thing: to feel safe in their own home.
Iceberg Diagram
Above the surface, an argument about a parked car. Below it, both partners struggle with the same question of belonging. Derek’s hidden thought reveals invasion; Shirly’s reveals a desire not to be controlled by small things. At the core, one seeks fairness and the other seeks freedom, and neither is wrong.
The Psychology
Parking is never about parking. It is about boundaries, respect, and entitlement.
The Space Gap
- 1
Car parks
- 2
Space shrinks
- 3
Anger grows
- 4
Peace leaves
The Mistake
Reacting to small things as if they are big. They are not.
The Repair
“We let it go. We park elsewhere. We don’t let a car define our day.”
Healthy Version
“They’re there again,” Derek said.
“I know.”
“That’s twice this week.”
“It is twice this week.”
“It doesn’t matter.”
“It doesn’t.”
“It really doesn’t.”
He stopped looking. The stopping was hard. The hard was worth it.
Questions
- Do you have parking disputes?
- How do you handle entitlement?
- What’s worth fighting for?
- Can you let go?